It's time to simplify my life.
Old habits die hard, and I know it won't be easy. But being uncomfortable never is...
This year has been one for the books, to say the least. January was the typical long, gloomy month that felt like it had 87 days rather than 31. February is a month of birthdays in our family, with 5 people to celebrate, 4 of them within 6 days of each other! Then came March, when I had to be taken by rescue squad, discovered I was in septic shock, was transferred to Lincoln, and had to process the fact that I almost died. If we had waited even another 15 minutes to call for the ambulance, I would most likely not be here today to write this blog. That is a fact I still think about often, something that has been really difficult to fully comprehend. On the first day of April we were blessed with the most precious gift we could have ever imagined. Our precious grandbaby was born, and she is everything we ever imagined, and more. May is the month I checked off the number one item on my bucket list. I finally saw the ocean. I even put my toes in the water, sat on the beach and let the waves wash over me, collected dozens and dozens of shells, and basked in the South Carolina sun at Myrtle Beach. It was the vacation of a lifetime! June was a month of rest and recovery, spending time with our new grandbaby and basking in our post-vacation glow.
The second half of the year had just as many significant events as the first half. July was quiet, but then August rolled in, and life presented us with new challenges. On August 15th, my husband was diagnosed with a motor neuron disease believed to be ALS. Though he does not have the lab-confirmed markers of ALS, and some of his symptoms are atypical of ALS, neurologists seem to not know what else to call it, so that is his official diagnosis. That same evening I began running a high fever, and my symptoms were very similar to the symptoms I'd had in March when I was septic. I then began to have the most painful experience of my life. I would have happily given birth every single day rather than experience the excruciating pain I endured for 4 full weeks. It began in my right shoulder blade, traveled across to the center, into the left shoulder blade, and then back to the right again. I was seen at 2 different hospitals in 2 different cities, and all testing came back inconclusive. To this day, we do not know what caused this horrific pain, but I hope and pray I never experience anything like that ever again.
September was a huge milestone in my life as I celebrated my 50th birthday. It's so odd to turn 50, yet feel like I can't possibly be a day over 30. How does time go so fast? I threw myself a party, and I was blessed with friends and family in attendance to celebrate with me. In October, my husband and I celebrated the 26th anniversary of our first date. It's so weird to realize I have spent over half of my life with this man, and even more difficult to believe our daughter is the same age I was when we first met and became friends!
I received a book from my best friend for my birthday. It shows 5000 places to visit across all 50 states. We used suggestions from the book to plan a road trip in November. We were in a total of 6 states (Nebraska, Iowa, South Dakota, North Dakota, Minnesota, and Montana), all within a 48-hour time frame. Along with crossing off another bucket list item, we spent 4 days road-tripping through the Badlands, the Black Hills, 2 national parks, and the sand hills. It was a fast-paced vacation to literally see as much as we could see and add as many states to our list of visited places as we possibly could. It was not the relaxing southern vacation we took in May, but we saw a lot of beautiful terrain and made more memories together.
When we hit December, it just didn't really feel like Christmas. We decorated our house, put up our lights, and I wrapped the dozens upon dozens of gifts I had spent September and October purchasing so that I would be ready for the holidays without feeling too rushed and overwhelmed. However, once the gifts had been given, the Christmas goodies eaten, and the thank you cards written, I was left to reflect over the next week. What I realized was that I was left with an empty, hollow feeling in my chest.
I realized as I reflected over the year that I felt very overwhelmed by so much. I felt the immediate need to purge. I decided to get rid of kitchen items I hadn't used in at least 2 years. I donated or threw away shoes I no longer wore, clothes I hadn't touched in years, dog toys that filled a 30-gallon garbage bag to overflowing. I checked the expiration dates on all the products in my pantry and cabinets and threw out things that had expired. I bought new dressers, nightstands, and lamps to both update and save some space our old furniture had taken up in our cramped bedroom.
While purging and organizing the physical aspects of my home, I had a lot of time to reflect on the year as well. I thought about the hardships we'd faced as well as the exciting things we'd experienced. I thought about those who reached out to us to check in, to offer a helping hand, to ask how we were feeling, and to check on our emotional well-being as well as our physical health. I thought about those who were excited to see us cross things off our bucket list, who were excited to see us have good things happen to us, who are always in our corner, always rooting for us, always supporting us in both the good and bad times.
Those are our people.
Those who make me feel defensive rather than at ease, who do not openly show their support for us, who are not rooting for us, I am no longer going to put forth the effort. I have tried to live by "Be the Energy You Want to Attract," and I still will do that, to an extent. But I am no longer going to put forth energy that is not given back. I will no longer be the one to always reach out first, to offer unsolicited updates on our lives, to check in with people who never check in with us.
I have now, as of December 2024, hit the 3-year mark of living with Long Covid. My husband has been living with chronic pain and neuropathy in his right arm for almost 2 1/2 years, which has been accompanied by shooting pain in his right hip for almost a year now. With the unknowns of his lower motor neuron disease diagnosis and the unknowns of the long-term effects of Long Covid, along with my close call with sepsis, we have been giving glaring reminders that life is too short not to do what we can when we can. Life is also too short to give precious time and energy to anything that is not deserving of it.
With this realization came the conclusion that 2025 is going to be about removing the clutter and simplifying my life.
